The vision began as I was pouring my heart out to Jesus asking Him for his help. I was feeling at my wits end and I didn’t know what else to do but just cry out to Him. And as I cried out – it was intense – I was also looking at my bible in the bookof Philipians 4:4-6:
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
The portions that stood out to me were rejoicing, the Lord being near, and not to be anxious for anything.
So then I saw myself crawling on my hands and knees towards the cross and Jesus was there, but I could only see the bottom half – I could only see His feet. I could see the nail through His feet and the blood, and I went and I crawled and I was crying… I was weak – I could barely crawl, almost beaten down.
And I began to pull myself up the cross and grabbed His foot and hung onto it and was like, “Lord, help me!” I was like ‘You always say bring it to the cross – well, I’m at the cross!’ And His hand came down – He extended His hand toward me and at that point He came down off the cross, but as all this is taking place His blood is showering down – it’s almost like raining.
So He came down off the cross and is standing beside me and there’s a lake of blood up to my waist. Jesus is standing beside me, but He’s not saying anything – He’s just there.
And I’m taking my head and dipping it in the blood – almost as if to cleanse my mind from thoughts that I can’t control that are coming. I keep dipping my head in the blood, but it seems as if my head was almost like it was waterproof where water rolls off of it – like that except it was blood-proof.
I could see on the other side of the blood standing on the edge of it – but not in the blood – was satan (or at least I believe it was satan), it was evil. He was laughing at me and was calling me names. Like saying, “You’re stupid! You must be some kind of idiot to stand off in that blood and dip your head in it. Do you know you look like a fool!” I wasn’t about to listen to him.
I looked to Jesus and I said, “what am I doing wrong? I’m missing something here. Lord won’t you help me?” But it was like He was looking at me as though I knew the answer – He wasn’t saying anything He was just letting me go through this process of figuring out what I was doing wrong. He wasn’t going to help me.
I looked at Him and said, “I’m no fool. I’m not getting out of this blood. I know I’m in the right place, but something is not right. I’m not doing something right.”
And I started to get really frustrated because I’m thinking, “I’m in the blood – I’m dipping my head in it trying to clean myself!”
And then it hit me. If you’re going to be in the blood – get in it.
And I just thought, “I don’t care anymore – this is not working with my head dipping in and out of the blood, I’m just going to dive in and I’m going to stay under. And if I drown in Your blood – that can’t be so bad! I’ll just drown in it because I know I can’t survive outside of it. And that guy over there has nothing good for me. He’s laughing and making fun of me, but I know if I give up, he is going to eat me alive!”
So I dove into the blood and went underneath. And I intended to stay under it until I was clear and felt like everything was alright. But as I dove underneath it, I could see! When I dove under the blood, everything was clear – it wasn’t like it was red in there – it was clear I could see. I could also breath. And my thoughts were clear.
At that point I could hear Jesus say, “See? See I got your back.” And He said just like He was one of my friends long ago when we used to hang out.
“I got your back! You don’t have to worry about a thing. As a matter of fact, I don’t have just your back, I have your front, I have your side, I got your bottom, I got your top – I got you covered! I got you covered. You got that? Trust me. Trust me!”
And then I got it. I have to stay under His covering. His covering is His blood. I have to stay in that blood and under it and it has to be all over me. I got it and it was like, “OH! I see!”
I could feel Him smile at me, and that was it.