Note: The following blog has some content of a strong sexual nature not intended for children or anyone who may find the contents offensive. Please read at your own risk. It is not meant to offend but to inform and also encourage those that know someone or themselves have Continue reading
It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. Mostly because I’m lazy, or more because I don’t really want to share what’s on my mind or what God is speaking.
Well, the Lord straightened me out on this one. He got my attention about 3 weeks ago. Before I start, let me give a brief history of my testimony -just a snippet of what God is focusing on at this moment.
Many years before and after Christ, I struggled with many sexual sins (pornography, adultery, strip clubs and more). About 4 years ago, after many years of struggling as a Christian, I hit rock bottom as far as my relationship with my current wife (my second marriage) and the Lord. My struggle with alcohol and the many sexual sins had taken their toll on me and I finally surrendered 100% to the Lord. Five days later I experience Holy Spirit bapitism and things haven’t been the same since.
At that time, the Lord also gave me many visions and dreams of things to come. I often had visions of being with an army slaying a giant serpent or dragon. During this time, the struggle to keep away from the sexual sins continued. This was a spiritual stronghold in my life. The process of renewing my mind wasn’t easy, especially when we have a society that is constantly pumping images and material of a sexual nature at us. Sometimes our mind goes places it shouldn’t and we find ourselves looking at things we shouldn’t. I experienced victories and set-backs but always pushed forward. I got accountability partners and joined men’s groups within the church. The last few years went by and I had victory….I was cruising along no problems. Feeling strong in the Lord.
Recently, I was having a particularly strong battle against this spirit. It seemed to manifest from nowhere. Soon, I found myself looking at material on the internet I shouldn’t had my eyes on. I couldn’t believe it, how did it happen. I was ashamed, discouraged and totally condemning myself when the Lord said to me “You’ve forgotten what you are supposed to be doing.” I thought to myself , “Huh?” He said, “You’ve put the monster(dragon) in the cage. You’ve been mocking it and treating it as a trophy of your triumph. Yet, it still remained nearby. You taunted it and underestimated it. You allowed yourself to battle alone and you’ve been scratched and bitten. I didn’t tell you to put the monster (dragon) in a cage as showcase like at the zoo. I told you to KILL IT!….SLAY THE DRAGON!!!….If you go into battle to slay the dragon, he will never bite you again.”
I asked, “How do I do that? What exactly is the battle plan for that?” Then Holy Spirit reminded me of the visions and dreams I had been given when I was first delivered. I remembered the time I saw myself lifting people from a pit and many came to help when I cried to the Lord because there were too many for me alone. I remembered also, the visions of being with an army of men running into battle and slaying demons and finally reaching the dragon putting my sword into him and watching it roar and die.
The Lord reminded me that I was to be transparent again….share my story with men. He told me there are many of his men in bondage, fear, shame, guilt and condemnation. They need to tell someone!!!! They want to be free but don’t know how to be. Holy Spirit told me advance as He led…..one step….next step….then next step.
The Lord is wanting His men to be fully aligned with His purposes and holy unto Him. We have to press forward in holiness. Be freed from bondage. Although I was no longer in bondage, I allowed myself to be deceived, duped, and not fully armed. I didn’t consistently put on my full armor . I got comfortable and arrogant allowing the enemy find a chink and stick me hard. I dropped my guard and got sucker-punched. However, the Lord used it to put fire back into my heart. He also reminded me of His purposes for me.
In times past, I would have sunk into a self-pity party and deeper into depravity. But not this time. I felt a fire rise in me. A righteous anger if may say so. I just couldn’t believe I had fell for the lie.
I know the Lord has told me to tell my story to more men. Tell it always as He prompts. Through my lips He will pour His spirit upon these men and they will tell their story. We will then strengthen each other, lock arms, unite in Christ and together slay the dragon.
Spirits that operate through pornography and other sexual sins will come down off their evil thrones. The army I’ve seen will prevail by the power, Spirit and name of Jesus Christ.
If there are any men out there struggling with this dragon, please contact me. Let’s talk, strengthen each other, figure out a battle plan and unite to slay this dragon. Anything said to me, I will keep in strict confidence.
Listen to me carefully!!!……I really believe that if you don’t take it before the Lord now and let Him help you be free, you WILL be exposed. Please don’t let that happen. Deal with it now. That’s not an order but a plea, because I really don’t want to see anyone be exposed against their will….It’s an ugly thing.
I believe God is giving men the chance to come clean now before He begans to purge things Himself. So, those who need to purge in this area…..please do so now!!
Be Blessed, Be Strong, Be Confident in the Lord, not ourselves!!!
Open my eyes, that I may see Wondrous things from Your law (Hebrew: torah=instructions).— Psalm 119:18I came from a broken home where I had a fractured relationship with my father. As I got older, I struggled with alcohol and sexual immorality (promiscuity, pornography, adultery). And although I had made a commitment to the Father through Yeshua (Jesus) when I was in my 20s, I’d slipped away again over time as trials arose. Later as my down slide progressed, a divorce and a broken relationship with my children sent me into a downward spiral that I could not stop.
My condition was so bad that one night while drunk in a bar, I pointed my finger to the heavens and told Yah (God), ” I don’t care what you think. I’m going to do what I want. So if that means you will destroy me then so be it.”
Even as I rebelled against Yah (God) and His plan for me, Yahweh in His love, mercy and faithfulness, was unwilling to let me go so easily. Because of the many prayers of those who loved me, He went to great lengths to get my attention.
One night again I was in a bar, the Lord sent a total stranger into the bar to give me a message from Him. It shook me to the core. There were so many instances of Yah (God) relentlessly pursuing me and mercifully protecting me. Yet, even after all of this, it took me almost another two years before I repented. On that spring evening, I hit rock bottom. The next morning, I knew it was time for a change and I rededicated my life to the Father through Messiah Yeshua (Jesus).
A few days later, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues (an experience I had previously denied as being possible according to my understanding of scripture). Since then, I’ve walked in freedom from addiction to alcohol, restored my relationship with my earthly father,and have overcome sexual immorality. Yah has also mended my second marriage, which was headed in the same direction as my first, and has been bringing me into the fullness of all that He has called me to.
In recent years, I have dug deep into the origins of the faith. This has brought me to a greater appreciation of the Hebraic roots of my faith. Through going back to the beginning, I’ve changed my view on many mainstream christian doctrines. The study of Torah and the grace that Yeshua has provided has profoundly impacted me. No, I’m not under the Law! I just now see things from a Hebraic perspective. Since most of the Scriptures are penned by Hebrews under the inspiration of the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit), I believe it’s important. Please see “What I Believe.”
Know that He is truly faithful. If you don’t have a relationship with Him, you should consider finding out more.