The past approximate 9 months have been quite a journey.  My wife and I have stepped out in faith believing you’ve told us to do something that seems totally crazy.  We’ve both been unemployed and believe you’ve have told us to stay so.  After exhausting all funds, we’ve been totally dependent on you, living  each day looking for our daily manna and receiving as needed.  We believe you told us to attend the prayer room each day, make ourselves available to the church( the entire body), looking for every opportunity to serve.

During this time, we’ve also made our home open to a missionary.   The initial stay was to be 6 weeks but,by Your word, has become several months.  You’ve asked us to share all that we have; and we have done so to the best of our ability.  Of course, we have’nt been perfect but we’re tried our best.  I hope it pleases you.  This has been a time of stretching far beyond what we would have imagined possible for ourselves to endure.  We still don’t know how far you’re  going to take us but we’re willing to go.

We want to thank you for redefining the word “humility” to us and also taking us into a life of abandonment to you (something we’re still learning).  I don’t want to disappoint you  by not believing what you have spoken to us.  I believe!…….I believe and again I believe!    I just ask one thing…..Please help me with my unbelief!   Sometimes I have moments of unbelief…..please help me Lord!  I know it sounds contradictory, however it goes on in my heart……I hate it…..please forgive me.  Without faith I cannot please you!…..I BELIEVE!

Lately, our provision seems to be at end (don’t want the scarcity mentality) and we’ve been wondering if this is a sign to change course.  But each time we inquire to you, there is no answer to our question concerning this matter.  However, at the same time, we have seen long time prayers fulfilled everywhere else in our lives.  I ‘ve seen  my brother-in-law profess Jesus as Lord and You’ve given me a clearer picture of my destiny.   This is encouraging , a reminder that you definitely have not forsaken us.  There are so many other things I could mention but it would probably take up several pages.

Even though some may continue to think we’re crazy, we will keep the course even it we lose everything or it kills us.   Until you speak, we cannot change course.  Someone reading this is probably thinking that we’re stupid and not getting it.  That’s okay, if we look like fools seeking the will of the Lord, we’ll take that chance.

I just want You to know Lord God  You are good and faithful!  You are full of mercy and grace!  You are love!  You are awesome, marvelous and wonderful. We trust You.  We adore You.  We know You will guide our path.  We cry out to You, our God.  And by the  blood of our Lord Jesus, we worship YOU!   In the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ.

Well, the Lord straightened me out on this one. He got my attention about 3 weeks ago. Before I start, let me give a brief history of my testimony -just a snippet of what God is focusing on at this moment.

Many years before and after Christ, I struggled with many sexual sins (pornography, adultery, strip clubs and more). About 4 years ago, after many years of struggling as a Christian, I hit rock bottom as far as my relationship with my current wife (my second marriage) and the Lord. My struggle with alcohol and the many sexual sins had taken their toll on me and I finally surrendered 100% to the Lord. Five days later I experience Holy Spirit bapitism and things haven’t been the same since.

At that time, the Lord also gave me many visions and dreams of things to come. I often had visions of being with an army slaying a giant serpent or dragon. During this time, the struggle to keep away from the sexual sins continued. This was a spiritual stronghold in my life. The process of renewing my mind wasn’t easy, especially when we have a society that is constantly pumping images and material of a sexual nature at us. Sometimes our mind goes places it shouldn’t and we find ourselves looking at things we shouldn’t. I experienced victories and set-backs but always pushed forward. I got accountability partners and joined men’s groups within the church. The last few years went by and I had victory….I was cruising along no problems. Feeling strong in the Lord.

Recently, I was having a particularly strong battle against this spirit. It seemed to manifest from nowhere. Soon, I found myself looking at material on the internet I shouldn’t had my eyes on. I couldn’t believe it, how did it happen. I was ashamed, discouraged and totally condemning myself when the Lord said to me “You’ve forgotten what you are supposed to be doing.” I thought to myself , “Huh?” He said, “You’ve put the monster(dragon) in the cage. You’ve been mocking it and treating it as a trophy of your triumph. Yet, it still remained nearby. You taunted it and underestimated it. You allowed yourself to battle alone and you’ve been scratched and bitten. I didn’t tell you to put the monster (dragon) in a cage as showcase like at the zoo. I told you to KILL IT!….SLAY THE DRAGON!!!….If you go into battle to slay the dragon, he will never bite you again.”

I asked, “How do I do that? What exactly is the battle plan for that?” Then Holy Spirit reminded me of the visions and dreams I had been given when I was first delivered. I remembered the time I saw myself lifting people from a pit and many came to help when I cried to the Lord because there were too many for me alone. I remembered also, the visions of being with an army of men running into battle and slaying demons and finally reaching the dragon putting my sword into him and watching it roar and die.

The Lord reminded me that I was to be transparent again….share my story with men. He told me there are many of his men in bondage, fear, shame, guilt and condemnation. They need to tell someone!!!! They want to be free but don’t know how to be. Holy Spirit told me advance as He led…..one step….next step….then next step.

The Lord is wanting His men to be fully aligned with His purposes and holy unto Him. We have to press forward in holiness. Be freed from bondage. Although I was no longer in bondage, I allowed myself to be deceived, duped, and not fully armed. I didn’t consistently put on my full armor . I got comfortable and arrogant allowing the enemy find a chink and stick me hard. I dropped my guard and got sucker-punched. However, the Lord used it to put fire back into my heart. He also reminded me of His purposes for me.

In times past, I would have sunk into a self-pity party and deeper into depravity. But not this time. I felt a fire rise in me. A righteous anger if may say so. I just couldn’t believe I had fell for the lie.

I know the Lord has told me to tell my story to more men. Tell it always as He prompts. Through my lips He will pour His spirit upon these men and they will tell their story. We will then strengthen each other, lock arms, unite in Christ and together slay the dragon.

Spirits that operate through pornography and other sexual sins will come down off their evil thrones. The army I’ve seen will prevail by the power, Spirit and name of Jesus Christ.

If there are any men out there struggling with this dragon, please contact me. Let’s talk, strengthen each other, figure out a battle plan and unite to slay this dragon. Anything said to me, I will keep in strict confidence.

Listen to me carefully!!!……I really believe that if you don’t take it before the Lord now and let Him help you be free, you WILL be exposed. Please don’t let that happen. Deal with it now. That’s not an order but a plea, because I really don’t want to see anyone be exposed against their will….It’s an ugly thing.

I believe God is giving men the chance to come clean now before He begans to purge things Himself. So, those who need to purge in this area…..please do so now!!

Be Blessed, Be Strong, Be Confident in the Lord, not ourselves!!!