The hardest case of forgiving for me was toward my earthly father.  He had done many things to be angry about. However, I had allowed a “root of bitterness” (Hebrews 12:15) to develop and grow that caused emotional damage to myself and others; the ramifications of which are still being dealt with.  After I had truly forgiven my father, not only did I experience the lifting of a burden off of my shoulders, but I also was given a heart of compassion for him.  God allowed me to see his shortcomings, emotional hurts and lack of knowlegde or understanding of how to be a father.

Always forgive! Always! No exceptions.  There are none.  The greater the hurt that has been done to you, the more urgent it is to forgive.  Forgive so you can experience your healing.

Not only has God given me compassion for my father.  He has also given me love for my father.  God has given me a position of strength and comfort for my father.  If I hadn’t forgiven him, I would not have had this chance for my Father in heaven to restore myself or my earthly father.

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” —Matthew 6:14-15

Thank you for blessing me Father in heaven,
Your son, Allen

Double-mindedness has had a stronghold on me.  One moment I’m flying high in faith, the next  I’m deep in despair and worry.  Up……down…..up…..down.   Rollercoaster!!….ughhhh!!.    I really feel for my wife, family and friends who bear with me through these times.  They truly love me.  Love me?   Yes, they love me.   They love me more than I’ve loved myself.  How can I love if I don’t love myself?  Of course, in my mind I kn0w this but in my heart it’s been a hard task for me to love myself.  Anyway, I’ve decided to do so no matter what.

Recently, the Lord’s has lead me into a deep journey within myself.  Guess what I discovered in that deep darkness and scary place?   I found Him.  He was there and I didn’t want to go there.  Because I wanted to hold on to lies and past wounds, I wasn’t able to follow Him to the deep portions of my heart.  Yet, He was residing there waiting for me to arrive, so that we could together destroy the lies, heal the hurt and wounds, resulting in a renewed heart and mind.

Now this isn’t a finished work yet, but the project has definitely taken a fast pace toward another level of progression.  He’s ever so faithful, never wavering, patient,  full of compassion, mercy and love.

I was reading in Deutoronomy.  The Lord throughout this book reminds the people of Israel of what He has done for them.  This is right before they enter the promised land.  He instructs them, through Moses, on blessings and curses.  Obedience and love for Him bring blessing.  Disobedience and a turning away from Him bring a curse.

The following verses sums it up for me:

“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord you God that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days, and that you may dwell in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.”

Deuteronomy 30:19-20

I’m about to enter my promised land.  And when I enter, my wife goes with me.  My children go with me.  My possessions go with me.  And the testimony of all that He has done for me goes with me.  But most of all, and of primary importance,  He goes with me.  The Lord, my God, doesn’t just go with me.  He leads the way and destroys all my enemies.

I expected to give something yet I received.

The love of the people towards me.

The gratitude for us.

Holy Spirit revealed to me that I was an ambassador of His love.  Thank you for being an ambassador.

Receive the love.

When they gave so much from their little, I knew how the Father feels when we give from our little.  I was touched.

I had nothing to offer but my obedience to Jesus as He told His disciples to go out into all the world.

Lord thank you for India and the opportunity to be an your ambassador.

I believe members of our team will touch individuals without a word said and healings will take place.  I believe we will experience the Almighty  on a higher level than ever before.  I believe we will touch the hem of His garment.

There will be trials but most importantly magnificent triumphs.  I we will all have a deeper understanding of who He is and who we are.  I also believe our faith will grow stronger.

These past few months leading up to this trip, I have never felt so powerless to do anything about the situations in my life or in others lives.   The only thing I know how to do is pray and believe God can do it.  He’s able!!!

So, the only thing I know how to do is ……BELIEVE!!!

Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things [are] possible to him who believes.” (Mark 9:23)

We still have some obligations to meet, however our Father has sustained us as He promised throughout this period.  There are some uncomfortable situations right now; however, I know He has a purpose in all of it.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.”  Romans 8:28

Today’s backpack handout is always special because so many more people show up……mainly kids. It will be a very hot day so I pray for all to stay cool

I’m hoping we get to pray and see many blessed by our Father in the name of Jesus.

In the following Psalm, I will replace the “the LORD” with “Yahweh” and “God” with “Elohim”.

Psalm 30 (New King James Version edited by me)

Psalm 30

A Psalm. A Song at the dedication of the house of David.

¹ I will extol You, O YAHWEH, for You have lifted me up,
And have not let my foes rejoice over me.
² O YAHWEH my Elohim, I cried out to You,
And You healed me.
³ O YAHWEH, You brought my soul up from the grave;
You have kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.

⁴ Sing praise to YAHWEH, you saints of His,
And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name.
⁵ For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.

⁶ Now in my prosperity I said,
“I shall never be moved.”
⁷ YAHWEH by Your favor You have made my mountain stand strong;
You hid Your face, and I was troubled.

⁸ I cried out to You, O YAHWEH;
And to YAHWEH I made supplication:
⁹ “What profit is there in my blood,
When I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise You?
Will it declare Your truth?
¹⁰ Hear, O YAHWEH, and have mercy on me;
YAHWEH, be my helper!”

¹¹ You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
¹² To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O YAHWEH my Elohim, I will give thanks to You forever.

My wife and I are currently in a time of extreme faith and testing.  We’ve gone to the Father in prayer many times asking for course correction, a word or anything to help us on this path we’re taking.  Many times, without realizing it, God is trying to address something else but we haven’t heard Him because we’ve been too busy trying to get the answer to our question.  He’s even answered long time prayers in the midst of us seeking answers from Him in our present situation.

As someone has said to me, “God is not a crystal ball”, I understand this.  I know He’s not a puppet or genie in the bottle.   The Lord has been teaching me to spend time with Him, it’s not always about coming to Him and asking  for stuff but about worshipping Him.  He wants me to have a desire for Him.  Intimate time with Him, being in His presence, wanting Him and Him alone; this has been a hard concept for me over the last 4 years of my relationship with God.

Learning to just be with Him has been a challenge for me because I don’t know what to do.  My mind wanders, I fall asleep or I get bored and quit.   The big challenge is to know He’s there even when I have no feelings or manifestions.  It’s faith.   He’s always there.  He dwells within.  I have to get past my mind, body and soul into the spirit.

God is spirit and the true worshippers will worship Him in spirit and in truth. (paraphrase- John 4:23)

Jesus speaking to Peter:

This He spoke, signifying by what death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He said to him, “Follow Me.”  (John 21:19)