Sometimes I may say “God’s not talking to me……..I don’t hear Him right now…..or….when I pray, all I get is silence.”  I’ve even heard someone say “when you’re taking an exam, the instructor is always silent.”  This may be true in some instances,but I have another thought……Maybe God is talking but I don’t hear Him because  He’s addressing a different matter I have no interest in at the time.

My wife and I are currently in a time of extreme faith and testing.  We’ve gone to the Father in prayer many times asking for course correction, a word or anything to help us on this path we’re taking.  Many times, without realizing it, God is trying to address something else but we haven’t heard Him because we’ve been too busy trying to get the answer to our question.  He’s even answered long time prayers in the midst of us seeking answers from Him in our present situation.

As someone has said to me, “God is not a crystal ball”, I understand this.  I know He’s not a puppet or genie in the bottle.   The Lord has been teaching me to spend time with Him, it’s not always about coming to Him and asking  for stuff but about worshipping Him.  He wants me to have a desire for Him.  Intimate time with Him, being in His presence, wanting Him and Him alone; this has been a hard concept for me over the last 4 years of my relationship with God.

Learning to just be with Him has been a challenge for me because I don’t know what to do.  My mind wanders, I fall asleep or I get bored and quit.   The big challenge is to know He’s there even when I have no feelings or manifestions.  It’s faith.   He’s always there.  He dwells within.  I have to get past my mind, body and soul into the spirit.

God is spirit and the true worshippers will worship Him in spirit and in truth. (paraphrase- John 4:23)

The longer I walk…..the longer I talk…..the longer I seek to know…..the longer I cry out to…..the longer I love……the longer I worship…..the longer I obey…..and the longer I experience my God……………THE MORE I FEAR HIM!

Jesus speaking to Peter:

This He spoke, signifying by what death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He said to him, “Follow Me.”  (John 21:19)

Father in Heaven, by the blood of Jesus, Your Son, I write to you.

The past approximate 9 months have been quite a journey.  My wife and I have stepped out in faith believing you’ve told us to do something that seems totally crazy.  We’ve both been unemployed and believe you’ve have told us to stay so.  After exhausting all funds, we’ve been totally dependent on you, living  each day looking for our daily manna and receiving as needed.  We believe you told us to attend the prayer room each day, make ourselves available to the church( the entire body), looking for every opportunity to serve.

During this time, we’ve also made our home open to a missionary.   The initial stay was to be 6 weeks but,by Your word, has become several months.  You’ve asked us to share all that we have; and we have done so to the best of our ability.  Of course, we have’nt been perfect but we’re tried our best.  I hope it pleases you.  This has been a time of stretching far beyond what we would have imagined possible for ourselves to endure.  We still don’t know how far you’re  going to take us but we’re willing to go.

We want to thank you for redefining the word “humility” to us and also taking us into a life of abandonment to you (something we’re still learning).  I don’t want to disappoint you  by not believing what you have spoken to us.  I believe!…….I believe and again I believe!    I just ask one thing…..Please help me with my unbelief!   Sometimes I have moments of unbelief…..please help me Lord!  I know it sounds contradictory, however it goes on in my heart……I hate it…..please forgive me.  Without faith I cannot please you!…..I BELIEVE!

Lately, our provision seems to be at end (don’t want the scarcity mentality) and we’ve been wondering if this is a sign to change course.  But each time we inquire to you, there is no answer to our question concerning this matter.  However, at the same time, we have seen long time prayers fulfilled everywhere else in our lives.  I ‘ve seen  my brother-in-law profess Jesus as Lord and You’ve given me a clearer picture of my destiny.   This is encouraging , a reminder that you definitely have not forsaken us.  There are so many other things I could mention but it would probably take up several pages.

Even though some may continue to think we’re crazy, we will keep the course even it we lose everything or it kills us.   Until you speak, we cannot change course.  Someone reading this is probably thinking that we’re stupid and not getting it.  That’s okay, if we look like fools seeking the will of the Lord, we’ll take that chance.

I just want You to know Lord God  You are good and faithful!  You are full of mercy and grace!  You are love!  You are awesome, marvelous and wonderful. We trust You.  We adore You.  We know You will guide our path.  We cry out to You, our God.  And by the  blood of our Lord Jesus, we worship YOU!   In the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ.

Today, while sitting in my recliner napping , I experienced a moment where I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or awake (I think some of you may know what I’m talking about).

As I dreamed, I sensed a strong presence.  Immediately, I knew it was the Lord approaching and standing right before me.  My entire body began to get a current of energy that permeated my entire being.  It was similar to goosebumps, but with a much deeper and stronger flow.  It felt awesome!   Becoming very excited, I held out my hands and said, “Yes Lord, what is you want….please tell me.”  I also remember hearing the sound of music and singing that sounded all over the room.   I jumped out of my chair and began to search the room for the source of this sound that was every but not found.   Soon revelation knowledge came to me that it was the music and singing of angels.  Although I could feel and hear it, I couldn’t see it.  Wow, it was a fantastic sensation!

As the host filled the room and the Lord stood before me (somehow I was seated again in my recliner facing the Lord….you know how dreams change a scene without a transition).  I asked the Lord, “Please tell me what is it you want…..Yes Lord, here I am.”   But to my disappointment, I didn’t hear a word; only the singing of many voices, and music……there were many sounds all at once.  Some sounds I’d never heard before and can’t describe.   However, all the sounds came together beautifully.  As I continued to inquire of the Lord, His presence begin to slowly fade away.  Sensing this, I became more frantic and desperate, yet  He and the heavenly host continued to slowly faded away.

I then came to full consciousness in the chair still asking and wondering what had just happened.  As this all transpired, I was constantly in my mind trying to figure out if I was dreaming or was I conscious.  I seemed to be in both worlds at the same time.  It felt strange and confusing but somehow very exciting.

Dream over.

Not too long ago I was unable to sleep late one night.  I begin to pray and ask God what He wanted to say to me.  I prayed about numerous things and just listened to what  Holy Spirit wanted to tell me.  I believe I clearly heard Him say “masturbation is idol worship”.  I immediately asked, “What?….please explain.”.

What I heard in my spirit was….when I or anyone chooses to masturbate they are engaging in an active worship of the person or image or lust in their heart (covetousness).  Colossian 3:5 “Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”

Also the penis becomes the tool of worship.  So then I asked, “So Lord, if there is worship and the penis is the object by which that worship is accomplished.  What is the sacrifice?”  Immediately I heard, “Your seed.”  The seed of my ejaculated semen is the sacrifice.   Gulp!….that made me pause for reflection.

So the next time the thought comes to mind…..think about it.    Is it idol worship?  Are you doing something that honors Him or displeases Him?

Also I’ve begun a discussion group just for men.  We will talk about the things men don’t want to talk about…..You know what I mean?  Frank discussions about lust, pornography, sexual addiction and related issues.   Here’ s the link if you’re interested www.allenwilliamsjr.com/men.    You may login anonymously.

By the blood of Jesus!!!  Let’s come together and bring down this stronghold and secret lie that is hiding in the Church.

Originally given to me on Feb 16 2009:

I see men (specifically from Destiny Church, St. Louis) being empowered with authority in unity.   They are taking back ground that the enemy has been claiming as his.  I see families restored, marriages mended, father’s and sons coming together in healed relationships , minds being restored and renewed in Christ Jesus.   New men moving in power, love , compassion…..breaking chains of bondage that have plagued generations within their families.

I see a mighty army, slaying every spirit that would exalt itself against the knowledge of God.  Wounded men healed to a much greater strength.  With strong conviction and passion to see justice prevail.  Holiness…Holiness…Holiness unto the Lord.  True worshippers of God with clean hands and pure heart ascending unto the hill of the Lord before the King of Glory, the Lord of Hosts in complete victory in Jesus, Our Lord (Psalm 24).

Peter is the name.  Peter is struggling with homosexuality…..They call you Pete….”Neat Pete”, because you dress well and you’re very neat and clean.  You like things orderly and structured.  You’re married and have a daughter named Abby.   She’s 4 yrs old with dark curly hair and a very timid smile.

You’ve had some random encounters with strange men.  This has been something you’ve hidden for years……but you feel your wife is suspicious and your marriage is not going so well.  You’ve become angry, frustrated and depressed.

Peter you have a knowledge of God but you don’t know how  to reach Him.   You’ve gone to church in the past and feel it’s not what you want.  Right now you’re feeling suicidal…..however, no one would ever know.

Peter there is a God….and He knows what’s happening……and He wants to heal your pain.

Say this simple prayer Peter, “JESUS HELP ME”……that’s all He’s waiting for.

As of yet, I do not blog everyday or even every other day.

I don’t like  writing or expressing my thoughts in written words.  I’ve never liked doing it, so blogging is a major challenge for me.

As a kid and adult, I always thought diaries, or as we like to call them now; journals and blogs,  were useless.  Although I wish I had some of my thoughts from the past written down, I don’t fret over it.  I rarely go back to read my journal or blogs now.

My wife has been a big proponent of blogging and journaling.  She convinced me to start doing it about 4 years ago.  Yeah, I admit it helps keep track of what God is doing in our lives  and even how I’ve changed over the years; however, I still don’t like doing it.  It’s still a challenge for me…..a major one.  I really have a strong dislike of it.   I only do it because others seem to enjoy hearing my thoughts.

Well,  I guess it’s time to get rid of the selfish attitude and get over myself.  I will try to do better.

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. Mostly because I’m lazy, or more because I don’t really want to share what’s on my mind or what God is speaking.

Well, the Lord straightened me out on this one. He got my attention about 3 weeks ago. Before I start, let me give a brief history of my testimony -just a snippet of what God is focusing on at this moment.

Many years before and after Christ, I struggled with many sexual sins (pornography, adultery, strip clubs and more). About 4 years ago, after many years of struggling as a Christian, I hit rock bottom as far as my relationship with my current wife (my second marriage) and the Lord. My struggle with alcohol and the many sexual sins had taken their toll on me and I finally surrendered 100% to the Lord. Five days later I experience Holy Spirit bapitism and things haven’t been the same since.

At that time, the Lord also gave me many visions and dreams of things to come. I often had visions of being with an army slaying a giant serpent or dragon. During this time, the struggle to keep away from the sexual sins continued. This was a spiritual stronghold in my life. The process of renewing my mind wasn’t easy, especially when we have a society that is constantly pumping images and material of a sexual nature at us. Sometimes our mind goes places it shouldn’t and we find ourselves looking at things we shouldn’t. I experienced victories and set-backs but always pushed forward. I got accountability partners and joined men’s groups within the church. The last few years went by and I had victory….I was cruising along no problems. Feeling strong in the Lord.

Recently, I was having a particularly strong battle against this spirit. It seemed to manifest from nowhere. Soon, I found myself looking at material on the internet I shouldn’t had my eyes on. I couldn’t believe it, how did it happen. I was ashamed, discouraged and totally condemning myself when the Lord said to me “You’ve forgotten what you are supposed to be doing.” I thought to myself , “Huh?” He said, “You’ve put the monster(dragon) in the cage. You’ve been mocking it and treating it as a trophy of your triumph. Yet, it still remained nearby. You taunted it and underestimated it. You allowed yourself to battle alone and you’ve been scratched and bitten. I didn’t tell you to put the monster (dragon) in a cage as showcase like at the zoo. I told you to KILL IT!….SLAY THE DRAGON!!!….If you go into battle to slay the dragon, he will never bite you again.”

I asked, “How do I do that? What exactly is the battle plan for that?” Then Holy Spirit reminded me of the visions and dreams I had been given when I was first delivered. I remembered the time I saw myself lifting people from a pit and many came to help when I cried to the Lord because there were too many for me alone. I remembered also, the visions of being with an army of men running into battle and slaying demons and finally reaching the dragon putting my sword into him and watching it roar and die.

The Lord reminded me that I was to be transparent again….share my story with men. He told me there are many of his men in bondage, fear, shame, guilt and condemnation. They need to tell someone!!!! They want to be free but don’t know how to be. Holy Spirit told me advance as He led…..one step….next step….then next step.

The Lord is wanting His men to be fully aligned with His purposes and holy unto Him. We have to press forward in holiness. Be freed from bondage. Although I was no longer in bondage, I allowed myself to be deceived, duped, and not fully armed. I didn’t consistently put on my full armor . I got comfortable and arrogant allowing the enemy find a chink and stick me hard. I dropped my guard and got sucker-punched. However, the Lord used it to put fire back into my heart. He also reminded me of His purposes for me.

In times past, I would have sunk into a self-pity party and deeper into depravity. But not this time. I felt a fire rise in me. A righteous anger if may say so. I just couldn’t believe I had fell for the lie.

I know the Lord has told me to tell my story to more men. Tell it always as He prompts. Through my lips He will pour His spirit upon these men and they will tell their story. We will then strengthen each other, lock arms, unite in Christ and together slay the dragon.

Spirits that operate through pornography and other sexual sins will come down off their evil thrones. The army I’ve seen will prevail by the power, Spirit and name of Jesus Christ.

If there are any men out there struggling with this dragon, please contact me. Let’s talk, strengthen each other, figure out a battle plan and unite to slay this dragon. Anything said to me, I will keep in strict confidence.

Listen to me carefully!!!……I really believe that if you don’t take it before the Lord now and let Him help you be free, you WILL be exposed. Please don’t let that happen. Deal with it now. That’s not an order but a plea, because I really don’t want to see anyone be exposed against their will….It’s an ugly thing.

I believe God is giving men the chance to come clean now before He begans to purge things Himself. So, those who need to purge in this area…..please do so now!!

Be Blessed, Be Strong, Be Confident in the Lord, not ourselves!!!

I and others were in a building that appeared to be a school or some sort of place with stairs, hallways and rooms. A man stood before us who behaved as if he were in charge and begin to speak to us. He explained to us we had been sent to this place for help because we had become misdirected. He continued to tell us he was assigning personal tutors to each of us. These personal tutors would help us with our assignments.

Just as he finished speaking, a rush of individuals begin to descend down the stairs from the top floor( the top floor was somewhat obscure, almost looked as if the building really had no roof, yet stairs went up into the obscurity). They were all dressed alike in polo style shirts(yellow) but I couldn’t really see if they wore pants or not. All I saw was a blur underneath them. There were male and female of many different skin colors and physical attributes. For some reason, I ran up the stairs into the rush as they blew past me like the wind. I wanted to know from where they were coming. As I ran up, my face met one of the last individuals coming down. He had a tan skin color with short, straight, brown well-kept hair. His face was very chiseled with a stiff chin, high cheeks and a beauty I can’t describe. He looked at me with dark deep eyes almost as if he were asking me where was I going but his lips didn’t move. He spoke to me through the mind like mental telepathy. For some reason, I said,”I pick you to be my tutor”. It was really strange though, because it was as if he had already chose me but my mouth said the words, “I pick you”; almost as if I knew he was assigned to me.

He then led me down to the lobby or conference area where the head guy had spoken to us. In the room now were many of these tutors and each person sitting beside a tutor. Everyone seemed to fix their eyes upon me and my tutor as we sat. Someone asked me, “How did you get him”. I was puzzled by this question. We sat and my tutor began to speak. As he spoke, I quickly realized why the question was asked. I was sitting at his side at the head table.

I truly believe these tutors represented angels sent to guide and protect.

[Origin: 1350–1400; ME < L t?tor protector, equiv. to t?- (var. s. of tuér? to guard; see tutelage) + -tor -tor]

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.