It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. This season in my life hasn’t been the most desirous in terms of circumstances. As a matter of fact, many times, I’ve allowed my situation to dictate my faith. In other words, sometimes the seemingly bad things happening around me have caused me to believe my Father in heaven is not going to protect, provide, comfort or love me. I lost faith in Him!!! Not a good thing.
Double-mindedness has had a stronghold on me. One moment I’m flying high in faith, the next I’m deep in despair and worry. Up……down…..up…..down. Rollercoaster!!….ughhhh!!. I really feel for my wife, family and friends who bear with me through these times. They truly love me. Love me? Yes, they love me. They love me more than I’ve loved myself. How can I love if I don’t love myself? Of course, in my mind I kn0w this but in my heart it’s been a hard task for me to love myself. Anyway, I’ve decided to do so no matter what.
Recently, the Lord’s has lead me into a deep journey within myself. Guess what I discovered in that deep darkness and scary place? I found Him. He was there and I didn’t want to go there. Because I wanted to hold on to lies and past wounds, I wasn’t able to follow Him to the deep portions of my heart. Yet, He was residing there waiting for me to arrive, so that we could together destroy the lies, heal the hurt and wounds, resulting in a renewed heart and mind.
Now this isn’t a finished work yet, but the project has definitely taken a fast pace toward another level of progression. He’s ever so faithful, never wavering, patient, full of compassion, mercy and love.
I was reading in Deutoronomy. The Lord throughout this book reminds the people of Israel of what He has done for them. This is right before they enter the promised land. He instructs them, through Moses, on blessings and curses. Obedience and love for Him bring blessing. Disobedience and a turning away from Him bring a curse.
The following verses sums it up for me:
“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord you God that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days, and that you may dwell in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.”
I’m about to enter my promised land. And when I enter, my wife goes with me. My children go with me. My possessions go with me. And the testimony of all that He has done for me goes with me. But most of all, and of primary importance, He goes with me. The Lord, my God, doesn’t just go with me. He leads the way and destroys all my enemies.